This image from 1915 could be all of us this weekend! But we would be more spread out, obviously. Seattle Municipal Archives
Alaska fishing season is upon us: And the fishermen headed up to Alaska must quarantine in a hotel room for 14 days before they can board any vessels. Alaska’s seafood industry and this six-month season supplies over half of the U.S.’s seafood harvest, the Seattle Times reports. So the extreme measures are necessary. COVID-19 could spread on the fishing boats like it did on all those cruise ships. One of the biggest concerns is the small Alaskan towns that will be flooded with outsiders. Will they bring the virus?
The parks will be open this weekend: Last weekend, Mayor Jenny Durkan shut down all the biggest most popular parks in order to keep people socially distant. For whatever reason, this weekend Durkan has abandoned that approach and is relying on the honor system and 60 new “Social Distancing Ambassadors” to chastise anyone fraternizing too closely. Be good out there, Seattle.
Maybe Durkan saw showers in the forecast on Saturday: And figured Seattle would stay home. According to the National Weather Service, the showers “won’t amount to much.”
— NWS Seattle (@NWSSeattle) April 17, 2020
SPD would like you to check on your car: Because there’s a chance it may have been stolen. Auto theft is up during quarantine since most people aren’t driving and are leaving their cars unattended. The Seattle Police Department arrested a prolific car thief on Thursday while he was in a stolen car. The car hadn’t been reported stolen and the owner didn’t even know it was missing.
US-Canadian border won’t open up anytime soon: Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has said it’ll be a while before the border is opened back up to non-essential travel. However, when the border first locked down in March, officials said it would reopen on April 19. That’s not looking likely.
My favorite drama is about how Ellen DeGeneres sucks: If this is news to you then I’m sorry. Apparently one of the biggest open secrets in Hollywood is how DeGeneres is a shitty boss and maybe a shitty person, contrary to what her talk show persona would lead you to believe. There’s a big Ellen Sucks rumor mill that’s constantly churning online. That has culminated in this Variety article about how Ellen’s staff and crew aren’t being paid well, how no one has checked in on the staff and crew’s mental and physical health, how Ellen is using a non-union company to broadcast from her house and her actual employees didn’t know she’d even be doing home broadcasts until they saw it online. This is juicy!
Israel’s fourth election in just over a year: There have already been three consecutive rounds of this election that failed to produce a governing coalition. It’s Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu vs. center-left bloc leader Benny Gantz. Netanyahu was supposed to be on trial right now for “bribery, fraud, and breach of trust” but that was stalled when the courts closed due to COVID-19.
Dame Judy Dench and her grandson socially distance: Via Tik Tok and Tik Tok dances.
Judi Dench’s grandson is doing TikTok dances with her over FaceTime. I’m obsessed. pic.twitter.com/7yX08ib0rP
— Claire Dikecoglu (@claireyfairy1) April 15, 2020
Trump’s war with WHO rages on: Stoppppp.
….in January and February, as the Virus spread globally? Why did the W.H.O. wait as long as it did to take decisive action? Lanhee Chen, Hoover Institution Fellow @FoxNews
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 17, 2020
Thank you, AI: Scientists have designed an AI that can solve one of paleontology’s biggest headaches: whether the ancient poop is human poop or dog poop.
Wuhan updates its death toll: New reporting and deaths outside of hospitals factored into Wuhan’s updated death count. The city, where the COVID-19 outbreak originated, raised its death toll by 50 percent and added 1,290 fatalities to the total. More than 4,600 died in the Hubei province.
Mass virus testing at a Boston homeless shelter: Revealed that out of 397 people tested, 146 people tested positive. None of them had any symptoms.
Some states want to reopen: And get the economy back up and running before widespread testing is available. Florida, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Idaho are among some of the states flirting with this idea.
Watch this plane land on a Canadian freeway: The cars just… accept it?
— Freshdaily (@freshdaily) April 16, 2020
Australian teens beat and shaved a man they thought was a rapist: Two teenagers girls entered a stranger’s home, tied him up, beat him up, made him shower, and then cut his hair because they thought he was a rapist. There was no evidence the man had ever sexually assaulted anyone. The girls had already spent several months in custody before they were sentenced. The judge suspended their sentences and ordered they serve 12 months on good behavior. The reasoning? From the judge: “The overwhelming reasons behind my approach are that these two young people must be given every opportunity to put their lives in order, to leave crime behind them and to live in society as decent and contributing members of society.”
Have you gotten your stimulus check? Some dead people have.